My first name, Danielle, is the female version of Daniel. I never had a problem with my name when I was young, unless of course I heard it coming out of my parents’ mouths in less-than-dulcet tones. Then in 7th grade Language Arts we did a “What My Name Means” project. And what does mine mean? God is my judge. As in, judged by God. As in, “Lions didn’t eat me because the big man upstairs thinks I’m awesome!”
Great. First of all, twelve-year-old me really didn’t want to conceive of God as constantly judging her like some creepy voyeur totting up sins on his clipboard. Shouldn’t God have better things to do than watch a kid shoplift cigarettes? Besides, I’ve always been my own worst critic – I didn’t need God sitting in on the panel, too.
Then there were my name’s Judeo-Christian roots. The name “Daniel” was created by early practitioners of this faith, one that still exists in countless forms and continues to work for millions of people. That’s super neat, except said faith ceased to float my boat around age twelve. Maybe my departure from Christianity had something to do with that whole creepy-voyeur-God thing! Listen up, future spiritual leaders: likening the divine to an omnipotent, unforgiving Santa Claus isn’t the best way to get a preteen girl into religion. (“He sees you when you’re sleeping, and if you’re not sleeping right you’re gonna BURN BURN BURN!”)
Finally, my name was of male origin. Please! I couldn’t even get a fucking name without having to wrest it from the grasp of the patriarchy? Having recently immigrated at to the fearsome land of puberty, I already felt my “boy’s name” chafing the angry feminist who lived somewhere in my soul.
Here’s the thing though: despite all of my objections, I never wanted to be called by any name but mine. Not Dan or Danny, not my middle name (that’s another story), and not some random name I plucked from books or my dreams. I am Danielle; it’s always suited me. Eventually I did some thinking about my namesake as a Biblical character and realized that Daniel is intelligent, loyal and honest. He’s stuffed with personal integrity and never runs from a challenge. In the lion’s den, Daniel is saved by unwavering commitment to his beliefs in the face of overwhelming opposition. So really being named for someone like that isn’t so bad. Quite the contrary, in fact; from my current perspective, emulating him seems a lot more like an aspiration than a chore.
